The Self-Driven Child: A Book Review
Do you want to raise a happy, resilient, and purpose-driven child? Do you want to help your child develop a healthy sense of control over their own life? Do you want to reduce stress and anxiety for both yourself and your child? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you might want to read The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. This book is a groundbreaking guide that combines cutting-edge brain science, behavioral therapy, and real-life case studies to show you how to give your child more agency and autonomy in their learning, development, and well-being.
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What is the book about?
The basic premise of The Self-Driven Child is that, as parents, we want to help our children find their own inner drive and make the most of their potential. However, many parents unintentionally undermine this goal by micromanaging everything from homework to friendships, creating a sense of helplessness and dependence in their children. This leads to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health problems in both children and adults.
The authors argue that the best way to counter this problem is to give children more control over their lives, starting from an early age. By doing so, we can help them develop a strong sense of agency, which is the belief that they can influence their own outcomes and cope with challenges. Agency is associated with better physical health, emotional well-being, academic performance, career success, and happiness.
The book provides practical advice on how to shift from being a manager or boss to being a consultant or ally for your child. It also offers tips on how to create a supportive environment that fosters curiosity, creativity, and self-motivation. It covers topics such as homework, sleep, technology, exercise, learning disabilities, college prep, and more.
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Who are the authors?
William Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist who has worked with thousands of children and teens for over 30 years. He is an adjunct faculty member at the George Washington University School of Medicine and a frequent lecturer on topics related to child development, learning, and mental health.
Ned Johnson is a motivational coach who runs PrepMatters, an elite tutoring service that helps students prepare for standardized tests and academic challenges. He is also a co-author of Conquering the SAT: How Parents Can Help Teens Overcome the Pressure and Succeed.
Together, they have combined their expertise and experience to write The Self-Driven Child, which has been praised by experts such as Madeline Levine, Lisa Damour, Tina Payne Bryson, Paul Tough, and Daniel Pink.
Why is the book important?
The Self-Driven Child is important because it addresses one of the most pressing issues facing parents today: how to raise children who are happy, confident, and resilient in a rapidly changing world. The book challenges some of the common assumptions and practices that parents have adopted in an attempt to help their children succeed, such as over-scheduling, over-protecting, over-praising, over-directing, and over-stressing them. The book shows how these approaches can backfire and harm both children's development and parents' well-being.
Instead, the book offers a refreshing alternative that is based on scientific evidence and common sense, that empowers parents to help their children develop a sense of control and motivation that will serve them well throughout their lives. The book also offers a realistic and compassionate perspective on the challenges and joys of parenting in the 21st century.
How can you get the book?
If you are interested in reading The Self-Driven Child, you might be wondering how you can get a copy of the book. One option is to buy the book from a bookstore or an online retailer, such as Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or IndieBound. The book is available in hardcover, paperback, audiobook, and Kindle formats.
However, if you want to save some money and get the book for free, you can also try to find and download the PDF version of the book online. There are several websites that offer free PDF downloads of books, such as PDF Drive, Z-Library, or Open Library. However, you should be careful when using these websites, as they might not be legal or safe. You should always check the source and quality of the PDF file before downloading it, and scan it for viruses or malware.
Alternatively, you can also borrow the book from a library or a friend, or join a book club or a discussion group that is reading the book. This way, you can not only get the book for free, but also share your thoughts and insights with other readers.
What are some key takeaways from the book?
The Self-Driven Child is full of valuable information and advice that can help you improve your parenting skills and your child's well-being. Here are some of the key takeaways from the book that you can apply right away:
Give your child more autonomy and responsibility. Let them make their own choices and decisions whenever possible, and respect their preferences and opinions. This will help them develop a sense of ownership and competence over their lives.
Support your child's intrinsic motivation. Avoid using rewards or punishments to motivate your child, as they can undermine their natural curiosity and interest. Instead, help them find meaning and purpose in what they do, and praise their effort and progress rather than their outcomes.
Reduce stress and anxiety for your child and yourself. Recognize that stress is inevitable and sometimes beneficial, but too much stress can be harmful. Learn to manage your own stress levels, and teach your child coping skills such as breathing exercises, meditation, or mindfulness. Also, limit your child's exposure to negative news and social media.
Encourage your child to pursue their passions and interests. Help your child discover what they love to do, and support them in exploring and developing their talents and hobbies. This will help them find joy and fulfillment in their lives.
Communicate with your child effectively. Listen to your child with empathy and curiosity, and avoid judging or criticizing them. Express your love and appreciation for your child regularly, and acknowledge their feelings and emotions. Also, use humor and playfulness to lighten up the mood and bond with your child.
Conclusion
The Self-Driven Child is a must-read for any parent who wants to raise a happy, resilient, and purpose-driven child. The book offers a wealth of scientific research, practical advice, and real-life examples that can help you give your child more control over their lives, while reducing stress and anxiety for both of you. By following the principles and strategies in this book, you can help your child develop a strong sense of agency, motivation, and well-being that will last a lifetime.
If you are interested in reading The Self-Driven Child, you can buy it from a bookstore or an online retailer, or download the PDF version for free from various websites. You can also borrow it from a library or a friend, or join a book club or a discussion group that is reading it. Whatever option you choose, we hope you enjoy reading this book as much as we did.
FAQs
Here are some frequently asked questions and answers about The Self-Driven Child:
What is the difference between agency and autonomy?
Agency is the belief that one can influence one's own outcomes and cope with challenges. Autonomy is the ability to act independently and make one's own choices. Both are important for children's development and well-being.
How can I give my child more control without being permissive or neglectful?
You can give your child more control by letting them make decisions that are appropriate for their age and maturity level, such as what to wear, what to eat, what to study, or how to spend their free time. You can also involve them in family decisions, such as where to go for vacation, what to cook for dinner, or how to decorate the house. However, you should also set clear boundaries and expectations, such as rules for safety, respect, and responsibility. You should also monitor and guide your child's actions and choices, and provide feedback and consequences when necessary.
How can I help my child with homework without taking over or stressing them out?
You can help your child with homework by creating a positive and supportive environment, such as providing a quiet and comfortable space, setting a regular schedule, and providing the necessary materials and resources. You can also encourage your child to take breaks, reward their effort, and celebrate their achievements. However, you should avoid doing the homework for your child, criticizing their mistakes, or pressuring them to get perfect grades. You should also respect your child's learning style and pace, and let them figure out the problems on their own. If your child needs extra help, you can suggest tutoring or other resources.
How can I limit my child's screen time without causing a fight or a meltdown?
You can limit your child's screen time by setting reasonable and consistent rules, such as when, where, and how long they can use their devices. You can also explain the reasons behind the rules, such as the benefits of reducing screen time for their health, sleep, and social skills. You can also model good screen habits yourself, such as turning off your phone during meals or family time. Moreover, you can offer alternative activities for your child, such as playing games, reading books, or doing crafts. Finally, you can enforce the rules with calmness and firmness, and avoid using screen time as a reward or punishment.
How can I support my child's interests and passions without pushing them too hard or too little?
You can support your child's interests and passions by showing genuine interest and curiosity in what they do, and asking open-ended questions that encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. You can also provide opportunities and resources for your child to explore and develop their talents and hobbies, such as enrolling them in classes or clubs, buying them books or equipment, or taking them to events or places related to their interests. Furthermore, you can praise your child's effort and progress rather than their outcomes or abilities, and avoid comparing them to others or imposing your own expectations or goals on them. Lastly, you can let your child enjoy their interests and passions at their own pace and level of involvement, and respect their choices to continue or quit.
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